I can say this because I know personally how truthful it is.
When I had my son at 31 weeks, because I was a doctor already, I tried to compartmentalize it.
I thought understanding the care he required and the NICU protected me mentally.
But that was fallacy.
I was not exempt from the feelings of grief.
The feelings of guilt.
The postpartum changes to my mind and body.
The fear and concerns about his health.
The frustration at having my life/plans disrupted.
The hurt at not getting the storybook pregnancy and delivery experience.
I failed to recognize that my experience was traumatic and that I was grieving.
But once I truly moved through the first 4 stages of grief- denial, anger, bargaining, depression- and made my way to acceptance, my path FORWARD to what was possible for my son, for me, became more clear.
Most people resist acceptance because it makes them feel like their story is less valid or doesn’t matter if they move forward.
But true healing can only begin at the place of ACCEPTANCE.
How is not accepting what happened to you affecting your relationship with your child, your partner, yourself?
When I accepted that I didn’t get the storybook pregnancy and that no amount of wishing it was different was going to change what happened, and instead recognized that my focus only on what happened was preventing me from seeing what was right in front of me, what I could do Now to improve the future for my son and myself, that’s when I was empowered to take the stepforward.
Beloved NICU Mom, I know you’re hurting and you don’t feel like there’s a path forward for you or your child after all you have endured, but there is. And it begins with acceptance.
If you find yourself ready to move out of the depression stage and into the acceptance phase so you can empower yourself and your child for the journey forward, DM “Acceptance” and let’s talk about how I can help you.
Better days are ahead. I’m proof.
Your Fellow NICU Mom & Life Coach,
Dr. Jess
